While Laine sat and watched Meredith both juggle a baby and a phone call, she began to think about life with Brian. And her heart twinged with grief. Being with Alex was amazing, and he was fantastic. He was easily the best thing that had happened to her since she loved to Seattle. But Brian. He was the man who she had spent hours daydreaming about. Dreaming about their future, their home filled with tiny pitter pattering feet, squeals of laughter, and tears of joy. Dreams about their children and their names, what they would be like, which of them they would be most like. As Laine sat in the chair she suddenly was watching her memory. Her and Brian were lounging on the couch in the middle of the day, a rare event for them, talking about life and their future. He had said that their oldest, if it was a girl, would be named Elizabeth but would go by Liz, and would be the biggest tomboy and only ever want to hang out with him at the precinct. Laine playfully hit him on the chest and told him to take it back, and to not speak such horrible things in the air. They laughed and laughed. The memory faded and she was back in Meredith’s kitchen, with tears threatening to break through. She shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment, putting the tears away. She smiled at Meredith and nodded as she moved in front of Abby. The infant was smiling ear to ear and babbling to her sister and mother, probably about how hungry she was. “Did it storm last night? I didn’t even realize it. Usually I’m such a light sleeper,” Laine smiled at Abby and put the first spooful of mashed food into her mouth. “Hopefully they’ll settle back into their normal schedule soon. Maybe keep them awake for a while. They’re getting so big,” Laine said cooing at Abby as she pinched her cheek. “Oh my goodness. Seriously Meredith, you and Derek made cute babies.”
When Meredith had turned around to take a glance at Laine, she’s seen the tears. Though feeling like she shouldn’t of seen them, she decided not to ask about it and go ahead with her question. She’d been feeling sadness through Laine’s vibe, there was something about her that seemed genuinely sad. Because that overly happy face couldn’t only be it. It was a face. She knew Izzie was the same, and behind all this cheeriness, there was a lot more than she’d let people know. Something about Laine reminded her of Izzie. But then again, they didn’t know each other much. They were really just hitting it off and getting to know each other, so it wasn’t like she could just go ahead and get into personal questions right away. It wouldn’t feel right, and besides, Meredith wasn’t really one to push into feelings talk and such, even less so with people she didn’t know all that much. Glancing down at Abigail, she grinned to her babbling and looked back up to Laine, patting the little girl’s head gently, pushing hair away from her eyes. “It did, and it woke them up,” she replied, sighing, “and once they’re up, it’s done.” Olivia not wanting to come off from Meredith’s arms, she reached out for a spoon and opened the pot with one hand, then took a small spoon of puree and took it up to the baby’s mouth. The little girl welcomed the food just fine, which was a good thing. “Thanks,” she thanked Laine, glancing up and showing her a grin. She shrugged slightly when Laine mentioned about keeping the twins up a little more and shook her head slightly. “I’d rather have them sleep when they’re tired because then they’re cranky and it’s no fun, trust me.” She grinned though when Laine mentioned about how big they were getting, which she was most definitely right about. “Indeed,” she responded, eyes wide open. She smiled still as she glanced over to Abigail and then back to Olivia. “We do,” she nodded, then leaned closer to Olivia and kissed her on the cheek before taking another spoonful of puree up to her mouth.
That sounds like a lot of work just to potty train a child. Well I hope she is potty trained soon so you don’t have to worry about this. If for some reason I ever have a kid you are going to need to be on call for me.
It’s good that we get to do it with her first. Think when the twins both require potty training together. At the same time. We’re going to have to be good at this. As for your potential possible kid, nope. I’ve got three kids, my part will be done. Uh-uh.
In one final sip, he downs the rest of his beer, and he tosses the bottle to the recycling bin. Talking about this seemed like such backtracking. It was years later, they were married with three kids. This felt like ancient history. Part of him wants to go get another beer, but that would make four, and he knew he shouldn’t. So he remained seated, staring out at the dark sky, before turning to look at her. “I didn’t mean it, you know. I didn’t mean what I said, and I didn’t mean to not tell you. It just wasn’t important, not to me. Not in the face of what else I’d done. And it’s over, Meredith. Long over. We’re married, we have three kids. We’re happy. That’s what matters, that somehow, despite everything that was pulling us apart, we got here. That’s what matters, because I love you, and you’re the only one I want all of this with.”
Thinking about all of this did make Meredith realize how much she’d changed from the person she’d been back then. About how much work she’d done on herself, how she’d come a long way. And she knew she still had a long way to go, too, but somehow she realized how some of her reactions to things would be different now than they had been back then. It was just hard parting things and telling herself how that was her back then, and this is now, and things are different and this is the past. She could hardly let go. Maybe because she had been let go of often. Too often. And she couldn’t be the one to let go because she knew all too well the feeling of being what was let go of, and she just couldn’t bring herself to being the one to do it. Mostly not on something as important as concerning the person she loved the most with her children. Closing her eyes as Derek opens his mouth again and keeps on explaining himself, she breathes out as she says, “Shhhh…” She gulps. He’s right, it’s all over now, they’re married, with three kids, and they are happy. And they love each other, which is more than she could have ever asked for, to get all of those things all together. It never seemed possible, and yet it was. With every bad thing to come their way, it still was. Nodding slightly as he mentions how she’s the only one he wants all of this with, Meredith gulps, eyes still closed, and opening her eyes, she turns her head toward him, eyes opening and first setting on the ground before his feet, and then slowly moving up to lock with his. And she only nods, knowing that the words just wouldn’t come out if she tried talking, but knowing he would understand.
Sounds like me at that age. Did she tell you why she did it?
She spilled water by accident. But I know she wants to be a grown up already and not have to wear any diapers. It doesn’t really work that way, though.
So maybe it’s time for no diapers? I have no idea when kids aren’t supposed to wear diapers anymore, I would be the worst mother ever.
If I take her diaper off now, she’ll always pee her pants and I’ll have to wear five set of clothes every day. No thanks. It’s a process. She already pees in the toilet as we’re potty training her, but sometimes she doesn’t realize she needs to go to the bathroom and does it in her diaper. When that stops and she’s able to go to the bathroom to pee every time, and when she’s even able to keep herself from peeing and wait until she gets to a bathroom, then we’ll take the diaper off. [grins] You’d learn. Just like I did.
In the silence that falls after he says that, Derek takes a sip of the beer. He doesn’t look at her as he begins to talk, taking a small breath. “It was the day that we argued,” He finally says. “I’d lost six patients in a row, and I just felt…overwhelmed. Like I didn’t do anything right. I couldn’t save my marriage, I’d driven Addison to Mark, I wasn’t a good enough friend that Mark wouldn’t sleep with my wife. I know it’s not my fault, now. I knew it then, but in that moment, I just…everything that had happened the past few years came down on me. I’d already pissed off Mark and Kim,” He tells her. “Then I said what I said, and you left. I felt like…like shit as soon as you left, and so I got in my car. There was no one on the roads, and so I just stomped on the gas and drove,” Derek sighs, shaking his head. “The cop pulled me over, I cooperated, but I pissed him off a little, and so he took me in. There were no cuffs, I wasn’t booked, they just asked that I get someone to pick me up.” He takes another sip of the beer, letting it rest on the arm again as he goes on. “I didn’t want Kim to know, Mark was mad, and I…I couldn’t call you for help, not after what I’d just said. So I called Lexie. I went back to the trailer, and…I was so disgusted at what I’d done, what I’d said to Mark, to Kim…and I hated myself for what I’d said to you. I was so occupied with the fact that I’d just hurt and pissed off the most important people in my life, that I didn’t think of the driving thing. I was worried about how to show you how sorry I was.”
Meredith gulps, eyes still locked on the buildings ahead. Hearing Derek mention how she’d left only makes her feel even worse about it. She really felt like she should have stayed, like she shouldn’t have responded to what he seemed to demand of her, which was for her to leave. Because somehow, deep down, she should have known he wanted her to stay. But that seemed to be the kind of things she couldn’t see through. Looking back, she could see it. But it seemed like in the moment it happened, on the spot, she couldn’t see it. When Derek mentions about when he got in his car after she’d left and stomped on the gas, Meredith’s eyes closes and she stops breathing for a second or two. As Derek pauses to sip his beer, Meredith opens her eyes and glances down at her own bottle, then lifts it up to take a swing and sip on some more. Though her eyes close again when he mentions how he couldn’t call her to come and pick him up. To hear him say that somehow broke her heart. She feels a tear welling up in her eye, but she discreetly wipes it off. She stares down at the ground, and slowly shaking her head, she sighs.
Oh god…That sounds horrifying. Uhh maybe she’s feeling jealous of the twins or something?
What I’m thinking is she wants to be a grown up like Momma and Daddy and not wear any diapers.
That can’t be good…
I don’t know what’s gotten to her, but she’s been a monster all week. She threw toys at Abby earlier this week, and she just decided she wasn’t going to wear her diaper and just peed her pants, and tried convincing me it was water she’d spilled on herself.